From Nancy– Before we launch into Tom’s review, I wouldn’t be doing my job, if I didn’t point you to 21 Days of Joy which is a collection of short stories in celebration of mothering. Mother’s Day is coming Sunday, May 8, 2022.
As the cover of my paperback edition explains, in his 9 Things You Simply Must Do to Succeed in Love and Life (Tommy Nelson, 2004), Dr. Henry Cloud “probes the mystery of why some lives really work and others don’t.”
His book explains some discoveries Dr. Cloud has made that go beyond both his training and practice as a psychologist, as well as his own successful personal development. Someone might suggest that his book is just another self-help manual. I’d recommend that you’d do better to start with this one right now.
A young adult reader will have experienced enough life to recognize successful people. Cloud suggests that some characteristics of success are so unexceptional that people often ignore them. You have to give Cloud credit for observing more than just the successful people around him. He picked up on the elusive reasons his successful friends were successful. He defines his successfuls as “déjà vu people,” because he often had to experience several successful people before something clicked inside for him to appreciate what he was observing. Here he reveals his findings—nine, at least—and they are not complicated.
Cloud has fun defining his nine things with such names as: “dig it up,” “pull the tooth,” “hate well,” “don’t play fair,” and “upset the right people.” Yet he goes into sufficient detail with each concept, giving examples, Bible verses, and case studies, so that the reader comes away with a good understanding of each.
For example, “dig it up” refers to finding a useful direction in life, one that suits YOU. I could spend hours talking about all the college students I’ve taught who were in college for the wrong reasons and about other students who eventually managed to redirect themselves to more personally productive majors or careers.
I was captivated by Cloud’s Principle 4 on “do something.” There he says something that is more subtle than obvious. “[Successful people] tend to call on themselves as the first source to correct difficult situations. It does not matter [who’s to blame or at fault]…they will ask themselves, what can I do to make things better…they make a move.” Read the chapter. He’s not talking about being lazy—he’s talking about hesitancy, and he offers concrete suggestions to get someone on track.
Probably the longest paper a student could write, requiring tons of resesearch, is something called a ‘dissertation.’ Lest you wonder, Cloud probably could not be described as lazy, and he was beyond hesitancy. However, confronting his own dissertation project, a mountain of a task, it took prayer to get him going. God provided a verse about the lowly ant, Proverbs 8:6-8, to model his solution and provide Principle 5, “act like an ant.”
Reading the proverb, he noticed that some of it wasn’t about him, he was not a lazy person. Still, he didn’t give up trying to understand. After all, some of it was about him. In doing a dissertation everything depends on you. You don’t have teachers or professors telling you what to do. That was probably to suggest that he had reached a new phase of life, one of self-responsibility. Still, he hadn’t found the answer that was needed to kickstart his project.
Finally, he focused on the admonition to simply consider the actions of ants. There he realized God’s message. Remember where Matthew, in 17:20-21, tells us that Jesus said we can move a mountain? Well, ants move a lot for their size (maybe even mountains). The déjà vu person breaks down the larger task into one grain at a time. Move enough grains and you’ve moved the mountain from here to there. Further, the end of the proverb suggests that ants store up in one season for the next. You don’t do a dissertation all at once, but from one season to the next. The reader will enjoy what ants had to tell Cloud about approaching his project. He is Dr. Henry Cloud now, so you know the ending, he moved the mountain. You’ll want to read or recommend this book because of this story of God’s intervention.
In most chapters Cloud takes the time to apply his experience as a psychologist and as a Christian counselor to his observations. In his capacity as psychologist he uses case studies to enrich his explanations. However, early in the book he admits that he didn’t come to these principles as part of his classroom studies, instead they came from living life and doing business.
Further, his cases studies remind the reader not to forgo counseling when learning to apply the book’s lessons. For some people the behaviors might be easy to learn. For others, it will take time—maybe to undo life’s struggles and get on track. He asks the reader to remember that God has joined His people in various relationships, some of which demand deep commitment—and mountain moving.
The concepts of “hate well” and “upset the right people” imply that a Christian should be able to recognize evil and wrong. In this context, Cloud suggests that it is right to hate evil and to upset those who are doing wrong. He offers a complete explanation for these concepts.
Near the end of the book, he offers a good take-away statement: “If the kind, loving, responsible, and honest people are upset with you, then you better look at the choices YOU (my emphasis) are making.” Maybe a successful person understands, that, with God, they are responsible for their love and life.
I recommend this book for young adults, perhaps those in or on their way to college–maybe those on their way to a career and self-sufficiency. Cloud admits that there are surely more than nine characteristics shared by successful people, but any young adult would benefit from the ones Cloud has recognized and explained in this book.
Tom Hird is a university professor, retired. For more than ten years he has been a member of a men’s book club, reading and discussing both great fiction and an eclectic range of non-fiction. He believes that regular readers prove to be better students, because reading widely helps one soak up usage, style and knowledge for a variety of situations in life. He is the copy editor for Books 4 Christian Kids.
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